Prioritizing Self-Care: An Honest Conversation with Yourself

The Reality of Neglecting Self-Care: A Personal Reflection

We’ve heard this phrase thrown around a lot in recent years: ‘self-care is a priority.’ But let’s be real—it’s one of those ‘non-negotiables’ that often lives on the back burner in many of our lives (including mine). In fact, I am surrounded by the essence of self-care working here at iv&co, and yet I still find myself neglecting it. 

 This week, we’ve focused on World Mental Health Day, spotlighting services like BrainTap and IV therapies designed to support brain health. And now, here I am—Friday afternoon, sitting at my keyboard—realizing I’m in serious need of some ‘Taylor Time’. Hence the internal prompting to write about it—because honestly, I think we could all use another reminder.

I think the concept of ‘self-care’ feels a bit fluffy these days. Typically people will think about things like “bubble baths + wine”, which is certainly an enjoyable time but I want to go quite a bit deeper than that; keeping in mind the quote “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.

The Hidden Struggles: Why Self-Care Is So Hard to Prioritize

From the inception of iv&co, our heart has always been focused on the reality of the stress and demands our fast-paced modern lives take on us. It’s a huge reason why we exist, and passionately so. To those reading this, we see you: a busy mother feeling like a “free taxi service” just trying to keep up with the demanding school and sports schedules. A father working 60 hours a week, ruminating over the finances while attempting to watch a movie with your family at the end of your day. You—chasing sleep like it’s a mythical creature, already on your third cup of caffeine by 10 AM. An overworked service industry employee in desperate need of yet another pair of Danskos. And you – I see you – the bleeding heart who perpetually places everyone else’s needs above your own. 

“The rigors of extended work hours, inadequate sleep, familial responsibilities, and a multitude of activities can take a toll on both our physical and mental well-being.” – iv&co, 2017

When Self-Care Slips: How Your Body Sounds the Alarm

If we really stop and consider this, the act of self-care is so much more important than a “spa day”. Our demanding lifestyles often sneak up on us—manifesting as illness, dehydration, chronic headaches, and relentless fatigue. When self-care slips through the cracks, it doesn’t just vanish—it often shows up in sneaky ways. The reality of most people’s lives is that we just are not taking good care of ourselves.  And how on earth do we expect to take care of any one else when we ourselves are perpetually depleted?

Yes, we can certainly feel when we are overextended, but how many of us have come to accept this feeling as normal? “Well that’s just how life is”. “That’s the cost of being an adult”. “I don’t have the time to do x, y, z….”

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news here, but that is simply not sustainable. We can push as long and as far as we may, but eventually it catches up with you, and usually in the form of illnesses. Your body eventually pulls the emergency brake—forcing you to stop, rest, and take a moment for yourself. “If you don’t take time to care for yourself, your body will do it for you”. It’s a common quote as well, but goodness gracious it’s the truth! 

And what a funny paradox, right? “I don’t have time for self-care, because I have 50 million things to do right now” can very quickly turn into “I have been stuck in bed for 4 days and I now have 100 million things I have to catch up on”. By no means will I claim that self-care is the cure-all for the common cold. But I will absolutely say, and loudly, that there are a multitude of symptoms that spring forth when your body is depleted; and in case we forgot, our brains are a part of our bodies too. 

Wellness Overload: Why Self-Care Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect

I’ll step back a little here, because I think this is an important thought: the world of health and wellness can quickly become overwhelming. There’s a never ending cascade of services and products that promote health, and it is impossible to incorporate even a fraction of them into our lives. In fact, this is a big reason why a lot of people find it difficult to maintain any kind of “self-care” or “wellness protocol” because our brains go off the rails realizing all the things we “could or should do”. In one moment you’re sitting on your porch eating an apple and feeling really proud of yourself, and in the next breath you’re feeling guilty that you didn’t take a 30 minute walk instead. Not to mention the billboard you passed on your way to work this morning promoting a hyperbaric chamber… “and now I’m overwhelmed and I want to sit on my couch with my cats and watch the latest Netflix Original.”

Obviously we all know that eating healthy, staying hydrated, staying active and spending time with loved ones is crucial. So instead of giving you the same regurgitation we’ve all read and already know very well, I want to talk about our relationship with ourselves. (Scary! I know.)

Honest Conversations and the Myth of Selfishness

When was the last time you had a really honest conversation with yourself? Have you checked in with them lately? Or are we neglecting the most important relationship in our lives? No really, take a moment right now  and tune in with yourself and ask yourself this: 

“Hey, [insert name], how are you really doing? How are you feeling? What do you need? Are you ok?”

It feels pretty weird at first, but this is a practice I deeply rely on now. (And the answer is yes to all of you asking if this came from a therapy session, because it totally did). 

I think perhaps a main reason this feels weird for most people is because we have been inherently taught to avoid selfishness. It’s common to instantly view selfishness as a negative thing, when in reality it is neither positive nor negative until you add intent. “The act of being selfish is the quality or behavior of prioritizing one’s own needs, desires, or interests above those of others.” And when you first read that, it’s so easy to jump directly to “above those of others” as sounding extremely negative. I mean, my brain gets a bit dramatic and imagines someone sitting at a table eating a whole chicken while everyone else sits with an empty plate. 

This brings me to a word that tends to trip a lot of us up—‘selfish.’ Fun fact: the word ‘selfish’ first showed up in the 17th century. It basically means having the qualities of focusing on yourself—and yep, back then, it was treated as a moral no-no in Christian philosophy. At the time, virtues like generosity and self-sacrifice were highly praised, while prioritizing oneself was often seen as a vice. And while those values can be beautiful in the right context, I think we’ve taken the whole ‘avoid selfishness at all costs’ idea a little too far.

Reframing Selfishness: The Key to Better Self-Care

So now that we know where ‘selfish’ comes from, let’s talk about why we’ve become so afraid of it—and how reclaiming it might actually be the key to better self-care.

Are characteristics like being generous or sacrificing yourself for others beautiful? Absolutely. Is the sheer avoidance of selfishness in our best interest? Nope. Is the average person who starts reframing their use of the word “selfish” going to all of a sudden become a total jerk? Doubt it. Can someone make decisions that are in their own best interest while still acting generously? I think so. Is it going to allow them the permission to make healthier decisions based on what their mind and body genuinely needs? Definitely. 

To loop my train of thoughts all together here, let me reiterate: “You cannot pour from an empty cup”. If taking care of others is really important to you, then one could say that selfish decisions are vital in order for you to be selfless. Weird, right? How do you expect yourself to show up completely for your kids when your personal tank is always running on empty? How can I expect to be intentionally present in my relationship with my husband when I’m constantly fatigued? How are we supposed to thrive professionally when brain fog is our norm?

Let’s take it deeper – ask yourself the same kinds of questions you would ask a friend or your family. If your child came to you and seemed unwell, you would care deeply, drop everything, and ask questions to identify how to make them feel better. Why don’t we treat ourselves that way more often? Sometimes a child simply needs to take a restful nap with their favorite teddy bear. And, sometimes a 45 year old woman needs to sit in the sunshine with her favorite book without worrying about the 3,000 things on her plate at the moment. I think a lot of us could practice intentional compassion towards ourselves first and foremost. Treating others with kindness is something we can all agree on – but what about treating yourself with kindness?

The Power of No: How Self-Care Begins with Boundaries

This leads me to another concept that is very important to me: giving yourself permission to say YES and NO. The tie-in here is that my assumption is that people regularly feel “guilty” for taking care of themselves because they think they are being “selfish”, especially if that means they have to say “No” to other people. Those two negative thoughts walk hand in hand, and honestly drag you down further into unhealthy thinking, therefore leading you to an unhealthy body. “I don’t want to take time for myself, because other people need me right now.” That’s guilt-driven avoidance wrapped in the fear of being selfish. And yes, obviously, Karen—I’m not going to take a bubble bath while my three-year-old waits for breakfast. Am I going to take at least a few moments out of my day to check-in with myself and gauge what my mind and body needs to be healthy, and then follow through for myself? Heck yes.

So let’s try another one now: “Hey, [insert name], do you genuinely want to go to that dinner party this weekend?

NO.

Do you want to take some time to recuperate and refill your social battery after a long week?

YES.”

Was that selfish? Absolutely.

Was that negative? Not even a little bit.

 Will your friends hate you forever and kick you out of future social gatherings? I’d certainly hope not, and if so, then they suck as friends. You should find new ones. 

All of this to say: here is your official permission to be selfish, to release the negative mental frame regarding the word, and to develop intentional compassion towards yourself. 

Take that 30 minute walk if you really want to, and while doing so, take the time to have a genuine conversation with yourself. Because it’s the most important relationship in your life. 

Because believe it or not, the friendship you build with yourself? That’s the ultimate act of self-care.

Looking for an IV Session?

Click here to view our full menu

Looking for some more self-care activities in Downtown Sioux Falls? Click here